You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
