How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This baby is an asshole
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
