so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
