i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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