Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
