some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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