This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
