mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
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