After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
