Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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