I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
