HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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