My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
