Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
