Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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