I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The uberlube is also flammable
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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