the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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