When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
