Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
