the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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