He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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