i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
