He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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