We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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