If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
