problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
