When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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