I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
