Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
