P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
