We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I got inside last night via doggy door
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
