I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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