aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
