He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
