The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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