At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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