do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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