How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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