So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
