i was born a porn star she said
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize