Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
