Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
