Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
