I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
