i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize