Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
