What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
