Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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