is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Randomize
