Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He's a Shit stain on my heart
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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