I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
