I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
