I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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