im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
