Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize