Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
