it's like iHOP with fire
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
