Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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