Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize