i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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