Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
