I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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