moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Two words: blizzard sex
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
