we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
