you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
