I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
