do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize