The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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