well I can't set my house on fire every night
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
