Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Two words: nipple clamps
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