I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
