the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
