Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
