Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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