these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
